We got 'em! What they lack in physical size, these adorable tycoons more than make up for in business influence. This year's list has more than a few surprises, including our oldest baby to date, and more girls than ever before. So without further ado, here are the world's richest babies.
1) Robbie Lopez
Occupation: Founder and CEO of InfanTech Industries
Age: 11 months
Estimated worth: $25 billion
After founding InfanTech six months ago, Lopez is already worth well over 9 figures, following his presentation of the groundbreaking macrochip, a processor too big for himself and other babies to choke on.
2) Baron von Jeffrey
Occupation: Orphan
Age: 10 months
Estimated worth: $900 million
Von Jeffrey became exceedingly wealthy after his parents were killed when their private jet went down over the Pyrenees. The only clue at the crash site was a silver rattle, found jammed into one of the aircraft’s engines.
3) Chrissy Lotz
Occupation: Venture Capitalist
Age: 6 months
Estimated worth: $675 million
An investor-baby with a flair for the unorthodox, Lotz sunk millions into firearms manufacturers at key points immediately after mass shootings, when gun and ammunition sales routinely skyrocketed.
4) Tyler Keeler
Occupation: Model
Age: 5.5 months
Estimated worth: $57 million
Already an enormously successful male model, Keeler doubled down two months ago by creating his own line of bibs while hosting Baby Project Runway.
5) Donald Trump
Occupation: Real Estate Mogul
Age: 792 months
Estimated worth: $7 billion
After making millions from inheriting his daddy's business, Trump—who likes when people call him "The Donald"—is famous for his silly opinions and public temper tantrums.
6) Madison Bainbright
Occupation: Heiress
Age: 17 months
Estimated worth: $2 billion
Heiress to the Bainbright fortune, Bainbright broke away from the other babies and increased her fortune tenfold with a smart investment strategy that included hostile takeovers of NapCo and Crying, Intl, and making them lucrative concerns by laying off half the workforce.
7) Tarvin Singh
Occupation: Sweatshop Developer
Age: 12 months
Estimated worth: $400 million
Even though he just started walking, Singh has an eye for great development sites with ample cheap labor, and his garment factories can be found dotting the shores of China and central Cambodia.
8) Emma Ross
Occupation: Jackpot Winner
Age: 2 weeks
Estimated worth: $327 million
This premature two-week-old is by far the world’s youngest Powerball winner, though several infants in Ross’ special care unit have alleged that they all went in on the ticket and should have split the jackpot.
9) Molly Palmer
Occupation: Telecom Investor
Age: 5 months
Estimated worth: $19.85 billion
This telecom billionaire is known for her adorable smile and her substantial contributions to right-wing groups including Operation Rescue, the John Birch Society, Gun Owners of America, the Family Research Council, English First, Focus on the Family, the National Right to Life Committee, the Traditional Values Coalition, the National Rifle Association, and the Knights of the New Confederacy.
10) Lucas Finkelstein
Occupation: Chain Owner
Age: 13 months
Estimated worth: $69.2 billion
Finkelstein’s chain of Finkelmart stores made this baby fantastically wealthy overnight, as even Wal-Mart could not compete with a rival retailer that openly allowed its customers to shit their pants whenever they wanted.
Called from Thingx.tv
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